Why Floridians don’t give a fuck about tropical storms and hurricanes.

August 19, 2008 by vegannramember

In a New York Times Times article a few days ago, the mayor of Miami expressed concern that South Florida residents were dangerously complacent in regard to a hurricane finally severing Miami-Dade off the end of the state and sending it, like a refugee on a floating door, into the ocean where it belongs. It’s human nature,” Mayor Alvarez said. “After a couple of years of nothing, you start to say, ‘It can’t hit us.’ ”

There’s that.

But the real reason South Florida residents don’t give a fuck: painful, inescapable local news coverage.


In the 48 hours leading up to a storm, several channels cut into quality programming, like Dr. Phil and Maury Povich, to bombard viewers with at least ten ever-changing possible storm tracks and footage of dipshits buying bottled water and plywood.

And then, just before it hits, it gets even worse.


1. Free Sandbag Giveaway!
Since sand is such a scarcity here on the beach, volunteers gather, wear ugly ponchos, and fill bags with the shit. Then, residents line up, show proof of residency, and greedily hoard them.


2. Them Wacky Surfers!
There are no real waves in South Florida, but when a storm approaches, it produces large, choppy, bullshit. Surfers infiltrate the beaches, even though this washing machine slop is virtually unrideable, so that they can feel like badasses. News anchors always cover this, and somehow, it’s always surprising to them.


3. Obnoxious Anchor Goes to Major Tourist Spot to Ask People What They’re Doing.
“Well, you know, I’m a teacher…they canceled school tomorrow, so I’m just taking advantage of some extra shopping time here on Lincoln Road! I can’t believe everything’s still open…even though the storm, which isn’t really going to touch us, is still like 7 hours away!”

4. Dipshit Anchor Stands Outside in an Area the Storm is Currently Passing Over.
“Yeah, it’s really rainy out here, guys. And windy! You should probably just stay home.”

BREAKING NEWS: The NYPD is still racist and corrupt.

July 26, 2008 by vegannramember

In a Doll’s Head, Some in Harlem See a Setback

By TIMOTHY WILLIAMS and JASON GRANT
Published: July 26, 2008

Though accounts vary, the basics of what happened on Tuesday evening in Harlem are not in dispute: an unmarked police car with two white officers inside drove around with the head of a black doll on the rear antenna.

Police Commissioner Raymond W. Kelly, center, said the officers’ report that they were unaware of the head was “plausible.”

The officers said they did not know it was there. Some witnesses said they must have because the head was life-size. The Police Department said the car was patrolling the streets for only a short time that day; some witnesses said it was hours. The police are trying to determine who attached the head to the antenna. Some witnesses say an officer laughed as he tossed the doll’s head into the car trunk.

While a doll’s head on a police car might not seem generally offensive, in Harlem, residents’ relationship with the New York City Police Department has long been fraught with tension and distrust.

In a highly publicized case in the 1990s, officers from the 30th Precinct in Harlem — called “the Dirty 30” — pleaded guilty to or were convicted of crimes including robbing drug dealers, selling cocaine and taking payoffs. And police statistics show that far more people are stopped and questioned in Harlem than in the nearby Upper West Side, even though the overall crime rates in both neighborhoods are similar. In addition, Harlem riots in 1935, 1943 and 1964 were partly attributed to problems with the Police Department.

So the doll’s head may mean more here than elsewhere.

“This is a significant marker of a deteriorating relationship,” said State Senator Bill Perkins, who organized a march on Thursday to protest the doll’s head. “This incident opens up the Pandora’s box. It reminds people there have been other incidents.”

Mr. Perkins said the episode was a setback for a police-Harlem relationship that had been improving. (Parts of Harlem are in the 25th, 28th and 30th Precincts.)

“There has been less of an aggressive anticommunity stance expressed” during the Bloomberg administration, Mr. Perkins said. He added, however, “To the extent there’s been some repair, this tears that repair apart.”

In Harlem, it is not difficult to find a male African-American who says he has been stopped or harassed by a police officer. This is how many residents here have encounters with the police. And for many young, black residents, this is often the seminal event in their relationship with the law.

Data about those encounters — known as “stop-and-frisks” — obtained by the New York Civil Liberties Union from the Police Department show that the department has relied increasingly on such tactics in Harlem and elsewhere since 2003, the first year data are available.

The figures reveal, for example, that more people have been stopped by officers in the 28th Precinct, in central Harlem, than in the 24th Precinct, on the Upper West Side, even though the precincts have similar crime rates.

From April through June 2006, for example, officers made 2,365 stops in the 28th Precinct, compared with 409 in the 24th Precinct. During the first three months of this year, there were 514 stops in the 28th Precinct and 460 in the 24th. The police say that officers make stops based on the descriptions of suspects.

The 28th Precinct has also had four murders and 131 robberies so far this year, while the 24th Precinct has had two murders and 135 robberies. In 2007, the 28th Precinct had four murders and 275 robberies, while the 24th Precinct had two murders and 248 robberies.

While the murder numbers are double in the 28th Precinct, they are remarkably lower than the numbers from a decade ago.

Darrin Murray, 19, of Harlem said that half an hour before he was approached by a reporter on Thursday, he had been questioned by officers in a van outside his apartment building.

Mr. Murray said that an officer told him, “Come here,” and the 19-year-old, who was carrying a black plastic bag containing a Sunkist soda and a plastic foam cup with ice, approached the van.

“ ‘Let me see what’s in the bag,’ ” Mr. Murray said one of the officers ordered. After inspecting the bag, he said, the officer told him, “ ‘Oh, yeah, that’s the type of stuff people have when they’re doing something.’ ”

When Mr. Murray’s mother, who saw the encounter, approached the officers to ask why they were questioning him, the police van abruptly drove away, Mr. Murray said.

A police spokesman said that Mr. Murray may have been questioned because the police had received two calls about drug sales in the area.

Mr. Murray said of the police in Harlem, “More people are scared of what they are going to do to them than what anyone else would do.” He added, “I’m scared all the time.”

At a news conference a few hours after the doll’s-head allegation came to light, Police Commissioner Raymond W. Kelly said he believed that the rapport in Harlem was as strong as ever.

And he said that the neighborhood’s gentrification had actually strengthened the bond between officers and the community.

Mr. Kelly tends to be popular in African-American neighborhoods and has been credited with tamping down a rancorous relationship between the police and African-Americans during the Giuliani administration.

“I would describe our relations as good in Harlem and, quite frankly, throughout the city,” Mr. Kelly said. “We are always going to have some pockets of tension because of what we do, because of the enforcement aspects of the work that police departments do.”

He added, “With the so-called gentrification of the neighborhood, I think there are even stronger relationships than those that existed in the past.”

Mr. Kelly said that Harlem home owners worried about crime seemed to be among those most apt to reach out to officers.

“We have a lot more ownership of property in the neighborhood,” he said. “Brownstones are obviously going for significant amounts of money.”

Wayne Dawson, 45, the director of the Dunlevy Milbank Community Center in central Harlem, said the neighborhood’s relationship with the police “appears to be a little bit more polarized than I have ever seen it.”

“There is an unusually high demand for kids to be stopped and show identification,” Mr. Dawson said.

While crime has decreased, it is not extinct. Officers who patrol Harlem point out that the area has had a number of shootings since January, including an episode in which six young people were shot and wounded on Memorial Day. No one has yet been arrested in that case.

The doll-head case seemed to resonate with many Harlem residents.

Clarence Jones, 28, said he saw the doll’s head on the antenna and tried to take a photograph, but one of the officers stuffed the head into the trunk.

The police said the officers reported that once the doll’s head was pointed out to them, they tossed it away.

Mr. Kelly said the police were analyzing surveillance video from the area to try to determine what happened.

But he said the officers’ explanation that they were unaware of the doll’s head was “plausible.”

Some in Harlem, however, question whether the department is committed to a thorough investigation. Mr. Perkins has criticized Mr. Kelly and Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg for not forcefully denouncing the episode.

“There’s nothing more symbolically terrifying than that in this community, given the history of slavery and the K.K.K. and night riders,” Mr. Perkins said.

When asked about Harlem residents’ denunciations of the Police Department, Mr. Kelly said it was the nature of the job.

“That is the world in which we live,” he said. “We accept that.”

Awesome. I live in the 32nd Precinct. The 32 is the only precinct in Manhattan that maintained its “Impact Project,” which consists of a nonstop foot patrol of every area in the neighborhood.

I could walk the streets wielding a bloody knife and they wouldn’t do shit. Other than hit on me. Their faces light up when they see me, and I glare at them.

Because I’d bet my life that they’re thinking, “Yay! More whites in Harlem!”

Do they harass blacks? Yes. There is no “rapport” between Harlem residents and the NYPD. There is mutual hatred and distrust.

Was a black doll’s head on a cop car’s antenna a “setback?”

Nah. It was a demonstration of the fact that what used to be true continues to be.

What I did with my Batman Movie Masters Chase Figure: WAVE 2, Batman Begins.

July 11, 2008 by vegannramember


The new Batman variant. You know, from the shitty Katie Holmes movie that came out a couple years back.

This operation was moved indoors when I had to try to explain to a passing Miami Beach cop what the fuck I was doing.

“You look like a man who takes himself too seriously.”

“You want my opinion? You need to lighten up.”

DEAR NERDS:

No, the girl in the picture is not me. But I, too, am way too hot for you.

P.S. I do it because nerd tears give me strength.

Someone’s gonna run into ATLAH’s Pastor Manning at the new Target in East Harlem.

July 3, 2008 by vegannramember

Just when I thought the No Dew Nor Rain campaign was starting to take hold…

Forget IKEA: East Harlem Target Looms on Horizon

“Everyone is super excited about the Target.” Everyone! Or at least real estate players like Jessica Armstead of the Corcoran Group, who predicts that the Target store finally coming to fruition in East Harlem will “totally change” the area’s lagging pace of gentrification. “It appeals to everyone,” she tells the Sun. “You go in to get toothpaste and come out with three bags. It’s amazing.” Armstead is already luring condo buyers into East Harlem with the amazing, exciting shopping utopia to arrive any year now.

Currently scheduled to open in October 2009, the store is part of the perennially delayed East River Plaza shopping complex, which will cluster other exciting big box stores such as Best Buy, Marshalls and Home Depot – unless that company decides to sublet its 110,000 space to Costco. The Harlem Target (the first in Manhattan) will join a growing Target army in New York City, with seven currently open and two others under construction in the Bronx and Flushing, Queens. To help inspire shoppers to stimulate the national economy, the Harlem store’s façade will be wrapped in a steel mesh American flag.

And those who recall how the controversy surrounding the Red Hook IKEA tended to split along class lines know how this will play out: Kenneth Knuckles, president of the Empowerment Zone Development Corp., is framing the $440 million project as a chance to provide 2,000 full and part-time jobs to East Harlem residents, who will then “take money they’ve earned and spend it in the community.” But NIMBY brownstone owner (and architect) Raymond Plumey predicts terrible traffic and pollution from consumers flocking to the amazing 485,000-square-foot shopping center, whenever it finally opens.

By John Del Signore

Cocaine Cowboys 2 premiere at Cinevegas.

June 24, 2008 by vegannramember


Cocaine Cowboys 2 premiered at Cinevegas this weekend.

Set in 1991 on the inner-city streets of Oakland, California, cocaine dealer Charles Cosby has his life is changed forever when he writes a fan letter to the “Cocaine Godmother” Griselda Blanco, who is serving time at a nearby federal prison. Six months later, Cosby is a multi-millionaire, Blanco’s lover, and the head of her $40 million a year cocaine business. Also known as “The Black Widow” for her propensity to permanently dispose of her men when she’s done with them, Blanco will stop at nothing to ensure that Charles is faithful to her. Cosby soon learns that he’s in way over his head.

Oh, and from the film, crack cooking 101:

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Las Vegas.

June 24, 2008 by vegannramember

Las Vegas is fucking crazy. And ridiculously hot.

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“Started out hustlin’, ended up ballin’; nigga I’m the shit, get the fuck up out my toilet…”

June 15, 2008 by vegannramember

Biggie and Tupac are dead; Wu-tang got all whiney; EPMD has had twenty “final shows” at B.B. King’s; Mobb Deep fell off and joined G-Unit…hip hop, as it was, IS dead.

It evolved, and the new shit, especially that coming from the South, is mostly abyssmal.

…but for Lil Wayne. He’s intensely arrogant, yet somehow understated. His lyrics are completely absurd, usually hilarious, and occasionally profound.


To this new era of hip hop, this album will be what The Chronic was to 90’s West Coast shit…what Ready to Die and 36 Chambers were to the East Coast.

Anyway, here’s my friend’s awesome review on Pitchfork. Probably the biggest Wayne fan on the planet.

Even the raccoons are gangsta in Harlem, and 3-1-1 remains utterly worthless.

June 9, 2008 by vegannramember

Harlem: Sometimes-aggressive raccoons are taking over the prime streets around Central Park, and some folks are saying, well, you didn’t see raccoons until the white people started moving in. Just sayin’…

Rampaging raccoons hit Harlem


BY EDEN UNIVER
DAILY NEWS WRITER

Sunday, June 8th 2008, 4:00 AM

Some unwelcome furry friends are on the prowl uptown.

Raccoons have become the scourge of Harlem, residents say, tearing up trash bags, ruining barbecues and even threatening kids.

“We can’t even come outside,” said Dorothy Burrell, 40, who lives on W. 111th St. “It’s a dead street after 8. I had to end my barbecue early on Memorial Day.”

There are more of the oversized residents in the neighborhood than in past years, and they’ve grown more brazen.

“They’re not scared by the cars, by sounds and by noises,” said Keri Denny, 40, a postal worker who also lives on W. 111th St. “I sounded my car alarm at one and it didn’t even move.”

Harlem residents believe the raccoons live in nearby Central Park and emerge from the urban oasis to forage on nearby blocks.

Residents regularly call 311 and complain to the city’s Animal Care & Control. But officials tell them to get a private exterminator or call back if someone gets bitten.

Virgie Spann said she used to think the raccoons were just a nuisance - until they tried to get into her apartment.

“They’re very bold,” said Spann, 70. “My son had his window cracked just a bit and one almost got in.”
***************

I’m just shocked that 311 wasn’t helpful.

A year and a half ago, my ex and I broke down on the Deegan (I-87) in the South Bronx. We called a random tow company and were told that each stretch of highway in NYC was contracted out to ONE specific tow company; no other companies could interfere.

…but they couldn’t- or wouldn’t- tell us which tow company had our stretch. They suggested we call 311.

311 had no information whatsoever. They suggested we call the cops to come sit with us while we tried each of the 500 tow companies in the city and found the one that handled our stretch of the Deegan.


After calling 20 or so companies, one finally sighed and gave me the name of the company that had our stretch of highway.

We rode with the tow truck driver to a car repair shop up around 220th Street (North Bronx). As we passed the scummy crack motels along I-95, he told me about various sexual affairs he’d carried out in many of them. And then, I asked how his tow company had gotten so lucky in obtaining much of the Deegan.

“I’ll tell you this,” he said, smirking. “There are a lotta government employees making thirty, forty thousand a year and driving new Mercedes and BMWs.”

NYC: “still the one pool where I’d happily drown.”

June 7, 2008 by vegannramember


New York is fucking crazy.

A real friendship in NYC is codependent by definition. Good friends are the only way to maintain some sense of stability in such a dynamic, demanding environment. It’s like that shitty sitcom, Friends, except instead of a few irritating douchebags sitting around drinking coffee in a lame neighborhood, we are a network of intoxicated, wound-up social machines. And chaos and craziness are so ingrained in our psyches that to feel calm or- God forbid- bored feels patently inorganic.

If you know me, you’ve heard me bitch about the city pretty consistently for the past few years. I left for ten days before I had to rush back for a city refuel- it felt like a year.

My pathetic week-and-a-half separation gave me clarity.

I love the city. It’s in my blood, and nothing else will ever fit me as well. I was an outcast for most of my life, and NYC opened its cold, dirty arms to me and said, “It’s cool…come here. We’re all fucking neurotic, psychotic, sordid, needy, draining, absurd, and cynical. You’ll totally fit in here. Deadpan humor is an aphrodisiac to the opposite sex. Your quirkiness and intensity…and yes, your sketchy, dangerous vacation tendencies…will be celebrated rather than condemned. Oh, and bars are open ’til 4 am!”


(Crazy taxis.)

That said, I need to study. I need to be bored. I need to be so uninspired by my surroundings that I don’t even really want to go out.


(Central Park Zoo Benefit, Tuesday night. Our chief concern was handling the 9-1 open bar in such a way that we wouldn’t black out later at Bungalow 8.)

In my three days in the city, two people asked me to photograph parties for them this weekend, two people asked me to go to the Hamptons, and honestly, if I’d chosen to stay, I would’ve.


(Yankees game, Thursday afternoon. I hate baseball; it’s excruciatingly boring. But with months until football season, what else is there? We left in the 9th; Yanks pulled it out with a homer at the end. Oh, well.)

But I left. For now.

Kingston, Jamaica (in the midst of a ‘murder wave’).

June 3, 2008 by vegannramember

I love this place.

…but I was too lazy to take many pictures this time.

Fun Facts About Jamaica:
1. Jamaica’s per capita murder rate is #3 in the world (although I seriously lack the reliability of the data, because in countries like Haiti, #17, crimes are much less likely to be reported and reported murders are much more likely to be construed as accidental due to UN presence and reliance on foreign aid. Like, “deceased tripped and fell on a machete…several times.”)

2. In the month of May, ~190 Jamaicans were murdered; most of these killings took place in garrisons.

3. Karl took this video last year in Kevin’s neighborhood. You can hear him at the end saying, “I’m not taking pictures…I’m not taking pictures…” to the cops.

4. JCF (Jamaican Constabulary Force, more commonly referred to as “Babylon”) is more corrupt and inept than the NYPD.

5. I’m not a dancehall fan, but Black Chiney is amazing.
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